Now Zen, Now Zen . . . .

Here are some philosophical musings...

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me the hell alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tyre.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. No one is listening until you break wind.

5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

6. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day.

11. If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13. If you drink, don't park; accidents cause people.

14. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side & a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

18. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.

19. We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.