Thirteen Ghosts
Review by Clint Morris
 Tightly
chopped imagery, decibel-screeching sounds, striking visual effects,
buckets of blood…what more could Horror movie fans want? Ahem. Maybe a
plot?
Don't go to Steve Beck's "Thirteen Ghosts"
hoping to walk away with a heightened faith in the Horror Genre, if
anything it will squander any hopes you still had in films of the
blood'n'guts variety.
Our first taste of this film's supernatural
theme comes in the form of 'spirit capturers' (was there a copyright on
the word Ghostbusters?), Cyrus (F.Murray Abraham) and his
psychic-for-hire Dennis (Matthew Lillard) are out to bag themselves a
few more restless souls so they can complete the 12 required to
undertake some strange ritual - which we don't learn much about until
later in the movie. Needless to say, the ghosts don't take too kindly
to being hunted down and thrown into cages so most of the cohorts, even
Cyrus, end up dead.
Enter the dead broke inheritors of Cyrus'
priceless mansion - his brother (Shalhoub), children (Elizabeth and
Roberts) and long-suffering nanny (Rah Digga). They're not quite sure
what to make of this eerie looking home at first - with it's movable
glass walls, windows of scribbled spells and freakish contraptions -
and it's not until loopy Dennis (Lillard) shows up and warns the new
residents of the house's "other" inhabitants that they start to think
twice about picking out who's bedroom is who's. It's not so easy to get
out though, with all the entrances now blocked and locked; and all our
ghostly friends lurking nearby.
If "Thirteen Ghosts" proved anything it's
that Matthew Lillard, of "Scream" fame, unquestionably can't act. He
may be flawlessly nervous and twitchy in his underwritten part of
Dennis, but that's merely the loopy actor being himself on set. Fellow
teen-film star, Shannon Elizabeth (American Pie), is about as out of
place here as the film will be at next year's Oscars.
Elizabeth, in her tight fitting T-shirts and
bubblegum vocabulary, is hard to swallow as Daddy's little girl .The
filmmakers must have realised she was wrong for the part too, because
her role gets mysteriously smaller as the film goes on. And what's
Academy Award Winner F. Murray Abraham doing in this? Surely there was
a theatre play that would have been more suited to his talents.
"Thirteen Ghosts", like 1999's "The House on
Haunted Hill" is the second remake of a William Castle film in recent
times. But unlike the latter, "Thirteen" doesn't have anywhere near the
enjoyable dark humour, engaging characters or rambunctious fun.
Instead, it's more interested in amazing the viewers with its CGI
effects and monster-make up, which outshine the characters and plot.
Never a good idea if you want an audience to be entertained.
1 out of 5
Thirteen Ghosts
Australian release: Now showing Australia wide
Cast: Tony Shalhoub, Embeth Davidtz, Shannon Elizabeth, Matthew
Lillard, F.Murray Abraham, Alec Roberts.
Director: Steve Beck.
Website: Click here
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