Cursed

Review by Clint Morris

It’s been recut, recast, restructured, reedited and rescheduled, but as they say, a turd’s a turd – no matter how many times you polish it.

And in the case of horror clunker Cursed, this one’s such a floater ain’t no flushin’ going to get rid of its trace too swiftly.

“People can change”, utters Joshua Jackson’s character mid-way through the film. He’s correct – because if that’s the same Wes Craven, illustrious horror director, and Kevin Williamson, acclaimed popcorn-piccie wordsmith, listed on the film’s daybill as the movie’s chief cooks, then something’s been excised from both their systems since Ghostface was laid to rest and fang face emerged from the shadows.

Originally due for release in 2003, but postponed and consequently re-written and reshot – and recast, losing quite a few cast members along the way – Cursed is the cinematic equivalent to the pile of compost you encounter at the tip’s head fissure: The one place you don’t dare come near.

And much like everyone involved in the production of this delayed dud, you’ll wish you’d stayed away too.

Christina Ricci – looking plumper in the originally shot scenes and thinner in the reshoots (or maybe your reviewer found nothing else of interest to watch but keep his eyes peeled for continuity errors) – plays a producer on the Craig Kilborn show. Jesse Eisenberg plays her brother, a weaselly highschooler who’s a step away from getting his own back against the school bullies.

One night after a car accident, they come into contact with a transmittable werewolf in the Hollywood Hills. And so begins their transformation, as well as others around them.

And whilst bodies start piling up, we’re supposed to sit anxiously awaiting the unravelling of the head of the wolf pack. Unfortunately, it’s all too obvious – and there goes the film’s sole reason to keep watching.

The first thing you notice about Cursed is that it’s terribly written – which comes as an even bigger surprise since Kevin Williamson, the acclaimed penner of one-time soap smash "Dawson’s Creek", as well as fantastically-penned iconic horror satire smash Scream, is the man responsible. This is below telemovie fodder, at best resembling an amateur highschool play. The actors aren’t to be blamed; they’re just the puppets being forced to hang from wonky strings. Did you lose your big-book of words Kev?

Even worse is discovering it comes from the mind of horror icon Wes Craven – he of the legendary Elm Street series and more recently, the tongue-in-cheek corn syrup teasing Scream series. If – and I’m sure most would like to think so – Craven made a deal with the studio to let them use his name whilst he went on an expenses paid trip to the Maldives for three years, then that would make sense, but the truth is he was indolent. He obviously knows his name alone has a bit of a pull, but failed to grease the wheels before turning the crank.

There’s little to like about Cursed. It’s not scary, it’s not funny -heck- it’s not even easily sufferable. If anything, it is simply a howling curiosity.

0.5 out of 5

Cursed
Australian release: Thursday 2nd of June, 2005
Cast: Christina Ricci, Jesse Eisenberg, Joshua Jackson, Mya, Shannon Elizabeth, Portia De Rossi, Judy Greer, Michael Rosenbaum, Kristina Anapau, Milo Ventimiglia, Scott Baio.
Director: Wes Craven.
Website: Click here.

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