The Eye Review
by Ramius
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In The Eye,
unfussy hottie Jessica Alba plays a formerly blind woman who, now
complete with some funky new eyes thanks to a cornea transplant (she
merely sees the outline of people or a blurred representation of
someone standing in front of her) isn’t quite seeing the full picture.
And shit, neither are we ! I know this because I’ve seen the full picture – it was directed by the Pang Brothers back in 2002!
Sydney
Wells (Alba aka The Invisible Woman) has just received a new pair of
eyes – unfortunately, they’re from a dead psychic. Now, of course,
Syd’s about to inherit the dead woman’s ability to see blurry ghosts in
hallways and see people who aren’t really there. Or something.
Another
unnecessary remake of a superior Asian film (they make the best noodles
and the best horror movies, so give it up yanks!) The Eye
directed by David Moreau and Xavier Palud (or was it Patrick Lussier?
hmmmm) is essentially what you’d expect both a troubled-production
(took about a year to film the movie because the whole thing had to be
shot all over again! Um, if you ain’t confident, you think we’re going
to be?) and the Hollywood version of a foreign horror flick to be :
Dumb, Forgettable and, well, Loud.
When did Hollywood come to
the conclusion that merely turning the volume up in the scary bits (if
an underpaid actress standing in a white gown moving slowly towards the
camera is considered such) is what audiences demand from a horror
movie? It does nothing for us… except perhaps regret not bringing
ear-plugs.
What the Asian original did was actually give us a
compelling story, with compelling characters and the ability to jump
out of our seat – and not from a sudden turn of the audio dial but from
something genuinely frightening.
Maybe I’m praising the original
film too much, I don’t remember thinking it was fabulous at the time –
only side-by-side with the remakes does it come out dripping with
colored cum. It wasn’t quite Ringu (remade in the states as The Ring),
I remember – and mainly because it was a little too hokey. But it
sure-as-shit kept me more at least interested to hang in there till the
end.
If it weren’t for the fact that I swear I could make out
Alba’s bosom through her nightie at different times throughout this
version, I might’ve ditched the theatre and headed to a Macca’s – one
look in their kitchen and I’d have gotten a better scare, that’s for
sure.
I hear it plays better in the dark. 2 out
of 5 The Eye
Australian release: 13th March, 2008
Cast: Jessica Alba, Alessandro Nivola, Parker Posey
Director: David Moreau and Xavier Palud
Website: Official Website.
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