Miami Vice

Review by Clint Morris

There’s no way around it, Miami Vice is the skinny supermodel of the Summer blockbusters – pretty on the outside, hollow on the inside. And it’s a pity, considering the extraordinary strolls down the run walk that everyone involved – particularly legendary director Michael Mann (Heat, The Insider, Collateral), who’ll be hiding his head in shame after this travesty – have given us beforehand.

Seems the usually-dependable Mann, the executive producer of the iconic 80s TV series, is so intent on not being seen as someone that’s merely repeating himself (though in many respects, just by doing the film, he is) by returning to the world of Vice, that he’s cast off everything that was good about the long-running show - Gone is Jan Hammer’s legendary music theme (blasphemy!), gone is the humorous banter and odd-couple like antics between the two leads, and erased from proceedings are the interesting characters and situations they’d get themselves into week in week out – and started afresh with something that’s as bloated as a fat man after Yum-Cha.

Instead of telling an origin story though, which would have made sense considering the filmmakers determination to do something new, Mann kicks off his film mid-way through the careers of the new Crockett (Colin Farrell) and Tubbs (Jamie Foxx), and those that never saw the series – and let’s admit it, that’s probably most of the audience – will know nothing more about the characters than that they’re obviously partners. Who are these guys? When did they team up? How do they differ? What makes them click? And importantly, what makes them the best in the business? – We never find out, and as a consequence, give up caring pretty early on.

Not one moment in the extremely long (146 mins) film – which sees the hotshot detectives going undercover as drug loads so that they can identify a group responsible for three murders – will urge the eyelids to stay up. It’s quite simply, a yawn.

This is a very indolent effort for seasoned pro Mann. He’s usually fantastic at combining great visuals with an equally commanding storyline, but in this case, he’s totally expunged the engaging storyline that the film needed. He may have put some effort into the visuals – but even the shaky cam and grainy look get old – but he’s totally forgotten what made Miami Vice (and most of his previous films, for that matter) so enjoyable : the characters, the storylines, the motivation. Knowing it’s probably going to make money anyway, Mann has made his first paint-by-numbers movie here, and it’s going to hurt him/the cast/the fans/the franchise possibilities.

As the new Crockett and Tubbs, Colin Farrell and Jamie Foxx will only leave you wishing for Don Johnson and Philip Michael Thomas. Yep, that’s right; Farrell and Foxx are as boring as batshit in this film. OK, so they’ve got big muscles, cool facial hair and some wicked clothes, but they’re not acting – they’re not even trying. Blame it on the duo’s iniquitous all-night partying whilst the film was in production or point the finger at Mann’s shoddy script, but one thing’s certain – the twosome have treated the film like a holiday. They’re in Miami for the sun, sex and spirits, and nothing more, it seems.

OK, so there was no way Universal would ever have bought back Johnson or Michael Thomas – or musician Jan Hammer, for that matter - but if they had, at least the fans would’ve walked away partly satisfied. This is seriously the biggest disappointment since I’d gotten those highschool exam results. Stings like a bee bite to the left one.

The last word should go to Gong Li’s character: “Merely to propose this is a dangerous thing”.

Too true. Too late.

1 out of 5

Miami Vice
Australian release: 10th August, 2006
Cast: Jamie Foxx, Colin Farrell, Gong Li, Naomie Harris, Ciarán Hinds
Director: Michael Mann
Website: Click here.