Paul Blart: Mall Cop
Review
by William Barker
He's fat and dumb but has a heart of gold.
He is Paul Blart, a mall cop.
Every
year this chubby security guard tries out for the New Jersey police
force and the first few scenes of the film show him flawlessly working
his way through the obstacle course.
Hampered by chronic hypoglycemia that leaves him comatose, his blood
sugar gets low and he falls on his face close to the finish line.
What
ensues is mildly amusing tale of a man looking to redeem
himself
and win the heart of an incredibly attractive young co-worker in the
mall.
Forget
the premise, forget the co-stars, forget the director - for some reason
this particular key stroker needs only to look at Kevin James' chubby
face to break out in a wide grin.
But for some
reason (I'm guessing it's partly the script and
partly director Steve Carr who allowed Kevin James no room for improvisation) this film is exceedingly average.
During
the first third of the film there are some rather funny moments, such as
when Paul Blart gets drunk at an after-work shindig and when he plays
Guitar Hero and belts out Kiss's Detroit
Rock City.
There are decent gags in this flick with a funny line about getting 'the
love sweats'. Kevin James is also very good at physical comedy and when
he's running, sliding and crashing around the film holds your
attention with ease.
A
large majority of the funniest moments come from fat jokes and
when the 'mall cop' pokes fun at both his and other's obesity (keep an
eye for his fight with a woman in a lingerie store) the film is at its best.
But after the
mall gets taken over by gun-toting mad men with Blart the only one left
to stop them, I kept waiting for Mall Cop to get
funnier.
It never did...
The
funniest parts have already been shown by the trailer and as I sat in
the cinema when the credits rolled, taking a few notes,
I wondered
how this film grossed almost $150 million in the US.
It's not a good
movie.
Mall Cop seemed
less like a family comedy with heart and more like a cleverly
researched product dreampt up by demographers.
All
the baddies are extreme athletes (which is never explained) who ride
BMXs down escalators and olly skateboards across corridors
while
shooting their guns and many of the jokes seemed to be aimed at the
under 12s.
With poorly
drawn bad buys and plot holes the size
of Saturn, Paul Blart : Mall Cop is a galatic-sized
turd burger.
I'm a reasonable
kind of guy, I thought Watchmen
was excellent and I enjoyed Ace
Ventura, and The
Shawshank Redemption left me weeping like a fresh born
babe. But this movie left me feeling ripped off and empty.
The moral of the
story? Fat guys get hot chicks.
Paul Blart: Mall Cop
is a family-friendly film that will fill in a Saturday afternoon quite
nicely and there's nothing too risky about it that will upset young
kids.
But if you're like me, 28 and cynical, you'll find it
excrutiatingly dull.
1.5 out
of 5
Paul
Blart: Mall Cop
Australian release: 19th March,
2009
Official
Site: Paul Blart: Mall
Cop
Cast: Kevin James, Keir O'Donnell,
Jayma Mays, Raini Rodriguez, Shirley Knight.
Director: Steve Carr.
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