The Fog Review by Clint Morris
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It’s just
terrifying. Totally bloodcurdling. Really sends chills down your spine.
Goosebumps galore. What about you guys? Tired of the sloppy horror redo? Nauseating right??
Yank the strap across your chest,
poke it in the hole, and hold on – it’s time to buckle up
for the belated skirmish between man and, well, water vapour.
When a
small Oregonian island community is suddenly attacked by a
impenetrable, mystifying, spiteful fog, which conceals the spirits of
some revenge-seeking dead dudes, it’s up to charter fisherman
Nick (Tom Welling, “Smallville”), his just-returned-home
girlfriend (Maggie Grace, “Lost”) and the town’s
local D.J (Selma Blair, not currently on a hit TV show), among others,
to fight it off.
Get up at 6:00am one day next winter, stand on
the front lawn for a few minutes, and set your peepers in the direction
of the frosty air lifting from the blades of grass. Sound scary? The
makers of The Fog think so. Most will find that screechy
noise your car windscreen wipers make when the blades aren’t on
their tracks more frightening.
In the early '80s The Fog might have been an okay movie – reasonably
scary, well shot, full of nice ideas – but today, it’s as
hammy as a bad meat lovers pizza. It’s a wonder acclaimed director
John Carpenter even allowed his name to be used on the retool because
compared to most of his films – even the original – this is
an uber-average, rather pointless exercise in recycling. No doubt Carps
needed some lunch money...
If it’s pretty young
things that you want though – you’ll be in primetime
heaven. Tom Welling – shirtless for a good part of it - will keep
the girls armpit’s awash, and Maggie Grace – who gets about
in skimpy shorts for a large part of the film, despite the chilly
weather - will distract most guys from the frightless scares and the
film’s indiscernible purpose, with her smouldering supermodel
looks. Throw in Selma Blair, and you’ve got quite a tasty
sandwich.
Of course, no sandwich is complete without some meat –
and there’s none on offer here. This is unexciting, unsavoury,
derivative and effectively another exercise in paint-by-numbers cinema.
Cheque please!2 out of 5
The Fog
Australian release: 2nd February, 2006.
Cast: Tom Welling, Maggie Grace, Selma Blair, Cole Heppell, Rade Serbedzija.
Director: Rupert Wainwright.
Website:
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here.
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