If the three live-action Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
films of the late 80s and early 90s were missing anything it’d be – to
use an analog only our bandana-wearing friends would appreciate – well,
anchovies.
Anchovies aren’t usually appreciated by mass
quantities because they’re different; have too much kick; and can turn
a tongue vinegary… but many claim they improve the pie.
The new TMNT
– a shorter title is cooler, ya see? Though the ex-members of New Kids on the Block
or NKOTB
(as they were renamed shortly before their demise) may disagree - has
got a bunch of anchovies. It’s got plenty of ‘whammo’. It’s different.
It leaves an aftertaste. There’s no option to exclude them from the
film either – because, well, they are the film. It’s what’s ‘different’
and ‘spicy’ about this film that gives it new life.
The question
remains… is this ‘different’ computer-generated take on the comic (and
later, series) good though? The answer will differ, depending on your
love or loathe or anchovies. If you don’t like any surprises – and
think the film series was fine just as it was (a cheesy live-action
franchise) – then you may feel alienated.
Not to say the new
TMNT doesn’t cater for those that do prefer a plain ol’ Hawaiian – it
does. In fact, this film is still very loyal to the three films that
came before it … and, of course, the TV series that preceded it. But
with spring chicken animation animal Kevin Munroe (he was apparently
about 12 when the show aired on TV… so he’s obviously a fan, and at
times, it really does show) directing the film, he’s snuck in a couple
of extra toppings.
I guess the best way to put it, in critics terms, is that the
new Ninja
Turtles movie – I could never get used to referring to it
as TMNT
so I’m not going to try now – is reminiscent of Ghostbusters II
(1989).
I know, two totally different films – though ‘similar’ markets – from
two totally different times – but stay with me.
Here’s why TMNT
is this year’s Ghostbusters
II.
1. Like Ghostbusters
II, TMNT
– I managed to say it there – is a film that doesn’t really cater for
the newcomer; it simply assumes you know who everyone is and how they
came to be in their singular situations. And like the sci-fi comedy
flick of the late 80s, the storyline’s pretty similar – it centers on a
has-been unit – who’ve seemingly gone their separate ways, with some
now working some pretty lame jobs (in fact, the turtle with the
‘birthday party’ gig is a direct rip-off from GII) – having to
regroup to destroy a new blend of monster (in this case, the cast
of Monster’s Inc).
2.
A couple of old friends are along for the ride – in this case,
ex-feisty reporter April O’Neill and hockey-masked rebel Casey Jones
(Sigourney Weaver and Rick Moranis had the parts in the Ghostbusters
sequel). Fans, of course, will be happy to see them.
3. The villains are pretty lame and forgettable (unlike the
first Ninja
Turtles movie – which had the best-known villain in its
universe, Shredder; and Ghostbusters
which had well, demon dogs, the marshmallow fella and some other cool
evildoers).
4. The jokes fall flat… every time.
5. It struggles to keep you totally engrossed – and seems to lack some
kick at times.
6.
The fantastic special effects you’re expecting… are here (in fact
there’s a couple of sequences – one set in the rain, for example – that
look brilliant) but there are just as many scenes that look shabby… and
let the movie down.
7. There’s no cool songs – Ghostbusters
had Ray Parker Jr’s smash hit; Turtles had
Hi-Tek’s ‘Spin that Wheel’ (could’ve used the example of Vanilla Ice’s
‘Ninja Rap’ from Turtles
II
but…we’ll, it wouldn’t have been a good example since the song sucked
worse than a toothy hooker) … there’s nothing here music-wise that
stays with you. (Warner should have raided their catalogue).
So yeah, TMNT
is an uneven offering - but you know what? Ten-year-olds won’t care.
They don’t know the difference between a good script and a great script
and they can’t tell when the animators slacked off. They also won’t
give two hoots whether the jokes are lame (to them, the gags might be
funny); whether the script needed work; whether the effects could’ve
been better in spots and whether or not they felt like they’ve seen the
movie before Bottom line: it’s the Turtles.
It’s cool. There’s lots of action. It moves fast. And for the most
part, it’s quite engaging. In short, the long-time fans are in for a
treat… and the rest of the littlies will soon be fans.
It’s hard
to knock a movie like this… because it delivers to its target market
everything it promised. It’s definitely not a “hard shell”… sorry,
“hard sell”.
3 out
of 5
TMNT Australian
release: 22nd March,
2007
Cast:Patrick Stewart, Sarah Michelle
Gellar, Ziyi Zhang, Chris Evans Director: Kevin Munroe
Website:Click
here.
