Tristan & Isolde

Review by Clint Morris

‘And I would do anything for love, I’d run right into hell and back
I would do anything for love, I’ll never lie to you and that’s a fact
But I’ll never forget the way you feel right now, oh no, no way
And I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that, I won’t do that
Anything for love, oh I would do anything for love
I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that, oh I won’t do that’.

You wanna know what that is? (And no, contrary to popular belief, he’s not talking about admitting to the public that Jim Steinman was the real genius behind his hits) That is a chick flick. The meat doesn’t think he should have to give up what would’ve been an otherwise relaxing night with Jack, for the latest studio sopfest.

Who can blame him? Do you know how many guys are in therapy for The Wedding Planner, How to Lose A Guy in Ten Days, You’ve got Mail, or The Wedding Date? I don’t either – but I’m guessing it’s a lot. Seriously girls, it might be much easier to let Mr.Smith cuddle up to a stubby, whack Aliens on surround sound, order up too much Pizza for one man – than endure the whine of being scarred for life by sitting through the latest cheese-dripped rom-com.

So how do you get a man to a chick flick?

I’d say mixing in a little medieval battle, a couple of decapitations, some fancy swordwork, and the bulkiest baddies this side of the Nakatomi Plaza, might work. And fancy that, here’s Kevin Reynolds’ Tristan & Isolde with not only soppy love scenes, sentimental discourse and eye-rolling sequences set to stir the ankles of your partner, but with medieval battles, decapitations, fancy swordwork and baddies so vulgar, John McClane might even think twice about taking the elevator up to the level that they’re waiting it out on. In short, we’ve got a chick flick that won’t mar your man here – well, besides the fact that that lump in his throat might tickle a bit the day after.

The lavishly filmed epic, filmed in Ireland and Prague, is a film we’ve all seen before –First Knight and Robin Hood : Prince of Thieves, the latter coincidentally also directed by the man who gives us this one, are your best points of comparison – but like a BMW with tattered tyres, it’s still a smooth, enjoyable ride. Not to mention, rather elegant.

Based on a piece of Arthurian folklore,  Tristan & Isolde tells the story of a couple of youngsters, he (James Franco) English, she (Sophia Myles) Irish, who carry on a secret love affair, knowing all too well that if they’re found out, it could destroy both the newfound truce between their nations, as well as the heart of a man - her new husband, his long-time guardian,  King Marke (Rufus Sewell).

Obviously yearning to return to the world he created so richly in 1991’s Robin Hood : Prince of Thieves, Reynolds’ fills his film with moist locations, sweeping battle sequences, infinitely detailed costumed characters,  and notably, a love story cloaked in action/adventure . What a wonderful looking world it is too – it’s just splendid looking, a picturesque postcard that serves as both an illustrative history lesson and travelogue of Ireland.

The yarn itself is a little ‘seen it all before’ and the central love affair is a little forced – I actually wondered whether the projectionist had forgotten to put on a reel, because our lovebirds seem to be quick smart into each others arms, without a hint of their feelings for each other in the moments leading up – but thanks to some good writing (none of the characters are clichéd for once, particularly The King, who might be possibly be the most likeable and significant in the film), the actors (our leads are quite good, though Franco does spend most of the movie with tears in his eyes – which is a little much at times), and some slick direction (Reynolds’ is definitely at home with this old-age adventure yarns, maybe he should do more?), they’re minor blemishes on an otherwise clearly entertaining  palette.  Then again, you probably would expect something a little above average with a film boasting producing credits by brothers Ridley – who was going to direct the film, some 15 years ago! – And Tony Scott.

Best of all, everyone will go home happy – and he won’t be arguing with you in the car home about how ‘terrible an actress Jlo is’, or how ‘terrible, the bit at the end of the movie where Meg discovered it was Tom on the other end of the internet’ was, but probably trying to entice you into saving your pennies for a ticket to Ireland.

3.5 out of 5

Tristan & Isolde
Australian release: 16th March, 2006.
Cast: James Franco, Sophia Myles, Rufus Sewell, David O'Hara, Mark Strong
Director: Kevin Reynolds
Website: Click here.