What Just Happened?

Review by Brian Prisco

I have no idea what happened.

I was immediately struck by the indifference of ennui-laden amnesia that affects football fans on the weeks when their teams have a bye.

Sure, the football is on and some of these games matter, but really, I can't build up enough of an emotion to be irritated or elated.

So it goes with Barry Levinson's latest project.

What Just Happened? (since nobody has ever heard of it and probably never will) is the story of a Hollywood film producer (Robert De Niro) who is struggling with his ex-wives, temperamental celebrities and the ins, outs and agonies of making movies!

At least, that is probably what it will say on the Netflix slip in approximately two weeks time once this one slides out of theatres.

It is a lot like watching a movie about a pool boy. There is probably going to be some manufactured sex scenes with lonely desperate women with too much time on their hands, and there is going to potentially be a couple of amusing characters traipsing through, some saying funny things, but ultimately it is about a job that nobody really wants to watch for almost two hours.

De Niro's producing one movie starring Sean Penn (as himself) where Penn gets shot dead by a gang of thugs. They then shoot his dog in the head.

Not a bang with the dog off screen, you see the bullet go through the dog's head (Which was the most brilliant part of this entire movie.)

The director (Michael Wincott), an emotional Brit, bemoans artistry, while the steel vagina-ed studio exec Lou (Catherine Keener) demands they make changes or she will pull their premiere at Cannes (which I finally found out is pronounced "CAN" not "CON").

Robert De Niro's also trying to make a movie with Bruce Willis (as himself), but Bruce is throwing a tantrum because he has made artistic choices to gain weight and grow a giant grizzly beard, which he refuses to shave.

Oh, and De Niro is also conflicted about his ex-wives and his relationship with his kids and blah blah blah.

It could have been a sharp black comedy in the vein of The Player or Burn Hollywood Burn, but instead, it kind of devolves into this whole mid-life crisis ordeal film with no clear direction or stakes in any way.

What Just Happned? is kind of like steamed rice with a Chinese meal. It isn't good, it isn't bad, it is just there. It is pretty hard to mess it up, but there is no real way to make it taste amazing. It is just going to be there.

I don't know if Levinson set out to make a movie for studio executives and industry people to laugh at themselves, or if he intended to make something for laypeople to assume the industry operates like this, or even if it is really supposed to be an industry movie.

This is the kind of bland storytelling and fictionalisation you would expect from a first time filmmaker. If a kid worked at Angus & Robinson book store his whole life and lived in South Australia, the movie would be about the bookstore industry and set in Mount Gambier.

Levinson, and his writer Art Linson (who is also a producer and based this on his book) are movie producers from Hollywood, so they wrote a movie about movie producers in Hollywood. A lot like Tin Cup, one of Levinson's better movies, What Just Happened? is really unfocused and about something less interesting than professional golf.

I can't even muster up enough guff to give it a "Meh".

The film is acted wonderfully, but look at the cast: Robert De Niro, Bruce Willis, Catherine Keener, John Turturro, Stanley Tucci, Robin Wright Penn, Sean Penn, Michael Wincott and Kristen Stewart.

Of course it is going to be good!

These are all outstanding actors in their own right (and I am begrudgingly admitting that about Sean Penn, who I cannot stand), and they all show up and nail their parts. Yet it is akin to having Aretha Franklin sing Rock and Roll, Part 2. Sure, those "HEYs" are gonna sound great, but you could be putting her to better use.

While not a terrible film, WJH? is just something you won’t care about. It has got a couple of hearty chuckle moments and a couple funny lines, but once the lights come up, you won't recall one of them.

There is nothing (aside from the dog getting its brains blown all over the lens) you are going to tell your friends about.

2 out of 5

What Just Happened?

Australian release: 21st May, 2009
Official Site: What Just Happened?
Cast: Robert De Niro, Sean Penn, Bruce Willis, Robin Wright Penn, John Turturro
Director: Barry Levinson


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