5 Minute Band - Hello Instinct (2008)

“Hey guys, we really have to put an album out to the public. I mean, that’s what all the good bands do.”

“Yeah, but we don’t have any good original songs.”

“It doesn’t matter! We can release a CD of our jam sessions. And we’ll spend no more than five minutes on each song!”

“Brilliant!”

This is the sort of conversation I imagine took place before the recording of this EP, as all the songs on "Hello Instinct" were written, recorded and produced in a matter of five minutes. Seriously. Though I wonder if this is true, because most of the songs sound as if they took about two minutes to finish.

The EP starts of with Dot Dash Dagger, which incidentally, is the worse 'song' on the album. Imagine a band warming up to play, tuning their instruments, and doing mic checks. Insert some random wind chimes and a stoned vibe, and you have the first track, which goes on for an agonising five minutes. It sounds exactly like the music they play at experimental art galleries.

The second track Don’t Wanna Hear It, Don’t Wanna Say It is a swampy instrumental guitar dirge that sounds like background music to a low budget indie flick. It’s appropriately titled, as it was my reaction to the whole album. Only two songs have vocals in them, but forget traditional verses and choruses, as the wailing and slurred words mix in with the swampy mess of sound.

A CD of jam sessions. This concept might have worked for an established band wanting to have a bonus CD of ‘studio rarities’ but for an unknown band it’s horribly self-indulgent and makes for excruciating listening. There are some brief moments where a song has an interesting arrangement, but instead of working and refining the songs, the 5 Minute Band has just churned it out, ruining any promise the songs might have had.

It took all my willpower to listen to this EP more than once, but I’m not going to throw it out. I’m keeping "Hello Instinct" close at hand for the next time an uninvited guest pops round and overstays their welcome. In fact, I might give Philip Nitschke a call and let him know that I’ve discovered a new form of euthanasia – effective after only two minutes of listening.

RATING: 0.5 out of 5