Feature Story: The Worst Cover Songs Ever

Hillary Duff is a murderer!!...of music

Jared Leto is a fool

Scissor Sisters: Enough Said

By Lisa Dib
Click Here For : THE BEST COVER SONGS

Music is getting duller, artists are getting lazier. It's going to be expected that all your favourite songs will be butchered at some point: it's part of life. More often than not, the results are disappointing. We take a look at some of the less than impressive covers of our generation:

Worst Cover Songs

"American Pie"- Madonna
Original by Don Mclean
Ruin an american folk classic, will you, Madonna!? *slap!* Get back to your own genre, you fake British beast!

"My Generation"- Hilary Duff
Original by The Who
The covering of the song aside, the Duff team also changed the lyrics from "Hope I die before I get old" to "Hope I don't die before I get old". Going against the entire point and purpose of the song??!! It was a big hit with the 4-6 age bracket, but Hilary Duff is now wanted in 87 states.

"I Love Rock and Roll"- Britney Spears
Original by The Arrows
No, you really don't.

"Comfortably Numb"- Scissor Sisters
Original by Pink Floyd
A friend and I were once in HMV, innocently browsing as you do, when a familiar, yet strange beat filled the store. We listened intently, trying to decipher what the falsetto-friendly singer of super-camp Scissor Sisters was "singing".

When he realised it was a shocking cover of an all-time favourite (his funeral song, in fact, you know how you have those?) he had to excuse himself and wait outside the store, out of ear shot, deeply disturbed by the horrifying cover. When I came out of the store, I found him sitting at a bench, eyes to the floor and head resting in his hands. That's just how goddamned wrong it is.

"All I Want for Christmas Is You"- My Chemical Romace
Original by Mariah Carey
Thanks for ruining the only Christmas song I like, dicks! Don you now your gay apparel!

"I Bet That You Look Good on the Dancefloor"- Sugababes
Original by Arctic Monkeys
One of the few bands to even half live up to the hype created for them, the Monkeys stormed the world with this indie-rock hit: and Sugababes grabbed it, raped it and queefed it out with a fake American accent (they're British too!) And let's not forget the laaaaame dance moves. Stick to glossy pop, 'Babes, where the words are small and so are the skirts'! (And the integrity! Zing! Thank you!)

"Closer"- Maroon 5, 30 Seconds To Mars
Original by Nine Inch Nails
The gall of the former 2 bands to think they could do this song justice. Maroon 5 have neither the talent nor testicular fortitude to even approach Trent Reznor. You need balls to sing this song, and Maroon 5 have no balls. Yes, folks, rip off their Gap jeans and all you get is fleshy mound-town. The 30 Seconds of Fame version is funny, if nothing else, because Jared "I cant believe you were in Fight Club and now you touch yourself on stage like a nancyboy" Leto must be off his tits every night with the sheer love in the air from his 14-year old girl fans.

The screams than emanated when Leto grabbed his crotch during their butchering of this song was akin to a pre-pubescent hydrogen bomb. Lap it up, Leto, you can only stripper-pole the mic stand for so long before a real music fan kills you in your sleep.

"Heart Shaped Box"- Evanescence
Original by Nirvana
Don't cover Nirvana. It's a rule.

"Love Will Tear Us Apart"- Fall Out Boy
Original by Joy Division
I almost cried. Not because of my attachment to the original, I do like it, but for the sheer raping the poor song received from Pat Stump's nasal, melody-less voice. Message for Patrick Stump: ENUNCIATE. And also you have a stupid name. Check it out on YouTube if you're curious. But remember, curiosity killed the cat. Or in this case, brain cells.

Special Mention:
That remix of "Another Brick In The Wall" that my friend always seems to make me listen to in her car. What goes around comes around, so be wary old friend of mine! Be wary!