Jarvis Cocker - Jarvis
(AKA: The Jarvis Cocker Record)

Review by Sean Lynch

I think Ali G best summed it up when he suggested that Jarvis Cocker looked like a pedophile. Because, quite frankly (and legally - I'm not suggesting the man is, just describing his look) the guy looks like he has been seen outside of a primary school or two in his time.

The early '90s was a big time for Britain's music scene. It was nothing short of a revolution - or at least that's what NME would have you believe. In actual fact, it was really just a time when bands like Oasis and Blur were making their mark (despite the fact there's "The Next Big Thing" every second week in NME these days). 

One of the groups that jumped on the Brit Pop bandwagon were the velour shirt wearing sissy's Pulp. The albums "His N Hers" and "Different Class" were relative commercial successes - although hardly on the scale of the Oasis/Blur juggernauts. But name me one person who still has either of those albums on high rotation?

Yep - much like...every band from the '80s, Pulp's music was hardly timeless.

It...well...sucks now. Perhaps that's just my jaded opinion, but it just wasn't for me. They were The Fray of the early '90s, getting a free ride on the back of the giants of the time.

After ten years, a couple of failed Pulp albums, a few soundtrack contributions and a few more publicity stunts later, lead singer Jarvis Cocker has decided to put his writing skills to the test with the release of "Jarvis" - or "The Jarvis Cocker Record" - which ever tickles your fancy.

Look, if you are a fan of Pulp - or Cocker - more than likely, you're the sort of music fan that blatantly ignores how terribly shocking certain songs sound, just so you can brag to your "alternative" group of pals about how "daring" and "raw" the songs are. And it's true, sometimes they are - but the majority of the time, the tracks are about as enjoyable to endure as a testicle stretching contest.

So it was a pleasant surprise that the opening few tracks of "Jarvis" were easy on the ear. Yep, I found myself bopping along - and as much as I hate to say it - skipping back to listen again. 

Opening up with a taste of The Loss Adjuster, the album gets off to a smashing start with the incredibly addictive Don't Let Him Waste Your Time. With it's catchy hooks, and tongue in cheek lyrics ("Cos the years fly by and you wonder what he's waiting for - then some skinny bitch walks by in some hot-pants...").

This is quickly followed up by the equally enjoyable Lennon-esque Black Magic. Simple, but effective. Sadly however, this is where the fun ends. 

From here on in it's more dreary, powerless, plodding crap. Sure, there's a few laughs to be had with Fat Children, but the songs that really jump out at you are few and far between. Cocker gives several warnings on the CD itself, suggesting "Jarvis should not be used as a sedative", "Works best when swallowed whole" and that "A song isn't a song until somebody hears it".

I'm going to take a wild guess. Unless this album gets a re-release in 1994, there's a fair chance none of these songs will become songs. Because no one will hear them - or want to.

RATING: 1.5 out of 5