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Back To The Portable Future
By The Jackal
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Arch Rivals is sporty, violent and the pick of the Arcade litter!
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 | Like Tetris on acid, KLAX not only sounds stupid, but looks just as bad |  | Paperboy gets addictive, but then again, so does smoked ham |
Arcade is
the main word in this gaming compilation, with variety coming a close second. Now, I don't know if
you guys out there with a PSP know this, but *this passage has been edited for legal reasons*
and I told the cops that it was like that when I got there. Anyway, this is a review about Midway Arcade on the PSP.
This game, or games should I say, consist of a number of interesting old school
(1980-1990's) arcade games, each of which I've given a short review - so let's not dilly dally: 720 – 1986:
1 player. This skating game (not exactly Tony Hawk) is pretty cool for its age, where
you have to skate around with only four different directions at your disposal to hit jump
ramps, half pipes and complete crazy moves. You can pick up skating gear at a
skate shop depending on how much money you have and if you run out of
time, lots of random events, such as tornadoes, weird cars and dust
bowls come to kill you. Very nostalgic, very poignant, very simple, and pretty boring.
Arch Rivals – 1987:
2 player [with local wireless]. This is one of my favorite games on this arcade
treasures UMD. Easily makes it into my top 12 list. It's a basketball game where you have 2 players on
each team, and you can punch people to get the ball. Full contact basketball! Mr T. would be chuffed.
You choose your
character, and start playing, and run up and down the court constantly,
punching in every direction until you get the ball. And then when you get the
ball amidst all the violence, you take a shot at the hoop. This is great for playing over
wireless against a friend -- heaps of fun! Championship Sprint – 1986: 2 player [with local wireless]. Even I know this game! And I've been in cryogenic stasis since Sputnik broke the mesosphere,
but I see it around sometimes in cheap caravan parks
etc... The game is probably my 2nd favorite of this bunch, with the aim
of the game to race around a 2D track racing against three other
cars.
If
you win your races
you get credits, if you get enough credits you can buy cool stuff, such
as
helicopter repair, turbocharger upgrades, better tyres etc... It's okay
for playing two player games, but can get boring after a while. If you
enjoyed playing this game back in 1986 though, you'll probably blow
your daks. Cyberball 2072 – 1988:
2 player [with local wireless]. Like most of the games on here, I've
never heard of it (again with cryo), it's an American football type game played with
humans in robot armour. The graphics are better than most games, but
still make me nauseous. I don't know much about American football, all I
know is that you have to make it to the other end and get a
'touchdown'. So all I do is pass and pass and set random field
strategies until I get there. I guess it would be a good game for the
enthusiast, and can be cool with long running plays and good passes.
Defender – 1980: 1 player. Defender
is a spaceship game where you have to move along in a free roaming area
(2D) and shoot re-spawning aliens all day. Your spacecraft is fitted
with three bombs which can instantly kill any alien within the screen. I
didn't find it particularly attractive, but my gaming standards are impeccably high - but hey, if you like this kind of
stuff 'twitch' gaming, you'll enjoy this 26-year-old offering.
Gauntlet – 1985:
4 player [with local wireless]. This is an RPG game where you're a warrior
and you have to go around killing all different kinds of monsters like
ghouls, ogres, magicians and so on. You must kill the
monster spawning blocks to stop the spread of baddies and also to reach different stages of the game. It's quite
addictive this one, and I'd recommend it to the people who like battle-axes and pixellated slime.
Joust – 1982:
2 player [with local wireless]. This game is where you're a little
bird,
and you have to flap your wings and jump on other birds to take their
eggs (or whatever they are, possibly massive parasitical grubs). Joust
is a game where if you go out of one
side of the screen you re-enter it on the other - often called
'wrapping' (and not to be confused with threatening rhymes). It's a
little repetitive, although you
need to get so many eggs/grubs to pass a level, so it keeps it
fairly exciting. Impressive for something coded in 1982, very
impressive in that respect.
KLAX – 1989: 2 player [with local wireless]. KLAX is
a fun game - I really liked this one. You have to arrange tiles in
a certain order to gain points. It's almost exactly like Tetris, except
you have a different layout and different tiles orders. KLAX is
really fun, and you have to see it for yourself to be able to see what
I mean. You can hold three or four tiles at a time, and you must drop them in
the right spot, and quickly too, in order to fit on the next KLAX tile.
It's highly addictive and the graphics are reasonable, and is good when
you're on the train surrounded by sullen people exhausted and stressed
out by the corporate machine, as you tend to laugh and scream a bit,
which cheers them up and makes them think about joyous videogames.
Marble Madness –1984:
2 player [with local wireless]. This is quite a well thought-out game.
You
control a marble, kind of like a glass eyeball without the ocular
mucus, and must manoeuvre it though a whole range of
obstacles in order to get to the finish. I remember playing this on the
NES. The game obeys simple laws of
gravity, friction and momentum, so it can get fun as it has a
real-world vibe to it. Although it seems all
good, there is one problem -- it can get really frustrating when you're
one centimetre away from the finish
and the marble drops off into the abyss for the fifth time in a row!
You stupid f***ing game, I'll KILL YOU INSTANTLY! Apart from that it's
a very nice game for its time!
Mortal Kombat – 1992: 2 player [with local wireless]. We all know Mortal Kombat,
kill, maim, stab, decapitate and kill some more. You can perform low
kicks, low
punches, high kicks and high punches and can also perform 'fatalities',
just
like the onces in our time. The characters in this original include
Cage, Sonya, Scorpion, Sub-Zero, Kano and all the other originals from
this classic. The UMD also includes Mortal Kombat 2 and 3, which have
extra characters and moves in each one, which adds to this
compilation's amusement.
Paperboy – 1985:
1 player. I love this game - it's one of my favourites and for good
reason: the aim of it is to ride past people's houses
owned by various people while avoiding a whole heap of obstacles while
perfectly delivering papers from your hybrid BMX.
It's great fun, but can get very hard very quickly. But ultimately, it's
still very addictive to this day, and shows that you can't judge
a game by its graphics, but you can judge a dog by its collar. At the
end of
each paper round you get to go on a BMX dirt track and do jumps and
stuff, and even I found this quite amusing! Nice game, very nice.
Rampage – 1986: 3 player [with local wireless]. This is a King-Kong style
game where you get munch people to get health and smash windows to
bring down buildings. First you get on a building, smash it to bits and
then kill military recruits.
The aim is to smash all the buildings in the 2D screen to bits, and
kill as
many people as possible and dodge grenades and missiles. Good for fans
of the many Rampage games released over the years, but kind of boring
and a bit of a crap compared to Marble Madness...
Rampart – 1991:
3 player [with local wireless]. This is a game where you must choose a location
on an island, set up a fort and place cannons. The aim of the game is
to kill the incoming ships trying to attack your fort. Although the
graphics are useless, the gameplay is quite acceptable. I like the
strategic point of it and military buffs will enjoy it, but it can get very hard to kill the incoming
ships with only two cannons. This one's in my top seven - nice game!
Sinistar – 1982:
1 player. This is a game a bit like space invaders except you can free
roam - you're not constricted like CSIRO scientists trying to do their jobs. It's
quite cool, kill little space ships etc... Except near the
end of the level you hear a voice and it says "Beware coward, run
coward," then this huge white creature that looks like a cat comes
and
kills you. It's hard to escape it because there are meteors in your
way... I don't find it too exciting, but it's pretty cool nevertheless.
Kind of like cornflakes - not great, but still very digestible.
Spy Hunter – 1984:
1 player. Spy Hunter! Cool. I heard they making this game into a movie
starring Michael Caine as the transforming vehicle, but we're still
waiting on his phone call to confirm this... This little game is quite
fun. You start off in a car and you
have to race up ahead on a vertically scrolling killing field and kill
bad guys in cars. The evil cars are red so
you can easily tell that you have to kill them. The only problem is
that they ram you off the road and put oil slicks in your way! I've
played this before on an arcade machine, and I sort of like it. It's
hard, but it's fun and it can easily get you hooked. Nice game there,
and probably my fifth favourite title in this very comprehensive
package.
Toobin – 1988:
2 player [with local wireless]. This is a wicked and original game I
must say! You
are on a non-edible donut (in the water) moving down a stream and you
have to
steer and control yourself to move through markers, find treasure,
avoid obstacles and get bonus points. You're against another non-edible
donut 'bot' and
whoever gets the most points at the end of the race wins. I loved
playing this game over and again thanks to its simple racing them. A
nice game
and very original!
Wizard of War – 1981: 2 player [with local wireless]. This game is a complete Pacman
imitation, except in this you can shoot. You're a little spaceman with a
gun manoeuvering around little corners trying to kill dinosaurs, like Jurassic Park crossed with Desperate Housewives.
Of
course, as the round goes on, the dinosaurs get faster and harder and
faster and harder until you get your arse kicked and slam your fish
into the PSP's screen, rendering it momentarily inoperable. You have
about five lives and you have to survive as
long as possible and get the high score. Conclusion: unoriginal and
boring.
Xenophobe – 1987:
3 player [with local wireless]. I could tell as soon as I went into this
game that it wouldn't be that good. It's a 2D world where you're on the
ground, and have to go around shooting in alien infested places, like
Hollywood and Maroochydore - only joking, these places are lovely. You
can get different weapons and stuff, but it's fairly boring. You can
jump, duck and shoot at aliens for a long time, that's all it is.
Disappointing for me, but others may find some joy here.
Xybots – 1987:
2 player [with local wireless]. This is probably the best game on the
UMD, along with KLAX and Paperboy and Arch Rivals. It's the only 1st person shooter
here and is pretty good for 1987. You're in these corridors and
you can steer left and right and kill and zap aliens. BAM! Dead. The
graphics are
not really that good, but it makes it all the more interesting, which
is strange but true in an ironic way. As you
progress through the levels, you can buy equipment and soon the
aliens get
harder, move faster and are more accurate, and as the pace builds,
so does the tension. Wait, who's behind me - noooooooo! This
is probably on of the first 1st person shooters and it's great!
I
had heaps of fun playing all these games, and I tell you what, you get
a lot of games for your buck/euro here, and most of them are pretty
good
too, and if you're an old bastard like the Editor and haven't been
frozen in the cryo freezer like a flaccid chunk of celery, you'll
get right into this. I
think it's kind of poor that you would get 15 or so games and whack
them all onto an operating system and sell it like that - the
originality factor is nil because these games have already been created
- but the truth of the matter is that there's a lot of gaming joy to be
had with these old-school classics.
Anyway, my question is, why wouldn't I just go and *this passage has been edited for legal reasons* because let's face it people, monotremes really do nourish their young with milk, after all. I reckon that the gamers out there who like the old school games should get
this, it would be handy to have around all the time, that's for sure. But if I had a
choice between, say, Metal Gear Ac!d and this, I would choose Ac!d
I think, because it's new and I like it. Still, this is one of the
better nostalgic compilations to hit any system in recent times,
showing off impressive levels of variety, and is a title that
contains some of the better classics and very few stinkers. Game: Midway Arcade: Extended Version
System: PSP
Players: 1-4 Player
Online: Sort of
Developer: Midway
Distributor: Red Ant
Rating: 75%

(Ratings
Key/Explanation)


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