The Darwin Awards
The Darwin Awards honor those who improve our gene pool...
By removing themselves from it.
By James Anthony
The good old Darwin Awards back up just about everything
this chap thinks about the cretin-filled society that surrounds
us.
Just when you think the dozy person who parks their car on
the wrong side of a highway - over the crest of a hill - is
mad, a gazillion others put their hands up for the utter stupidity
award.
How about these …
In the United States a mid-30s bloke was lucky enough to
survive a fall from a roof. He broke his pelvis and both legs,
but survived reasonably intact.
To celebrate his luck, the wheelchair-bound duffer went out
on the turps with his brother-in-law and proceeded to get
absolutely plastered (excuse the pun).
Now, the guys didn't have a wheelchair-friendly ute and so
decided to use duct tape to secure the injured duffer to the
bed of the vehicle. All was going well until the driver took
a corner too fast and the injured chappie flew through the
air with the greatest of ease and he rebroke both legs.
Maybe there isn't such a thing as the survival of the fittest?
Now here's the tale of a not-so-lucky guy who planned to
fake his own death and then steal the life insurance from
his grieving parents.
The nasty fellow was going to video his suicide and leave
it to be discovered. His idea was to pretend to shoot himself
with a shotgun and then fall back on to a net that would hold
him above a chisel nailed to a board.
It seems, however, that while a devious engineer, the 20-year-old
was no expert at maths and had underestimated the force his
falling body would have upon the net. The supposed lifesaver
snapped and the fake suicider proceeded to fall upon the chisel,
which ripped into his heart.
Experts say it probably took him a minute to die. During
which time he probably was kicking himself from missing those
physics classes at school!
Now this is leading contender for the Occupational Health
and Therapy What Not to Do (Particularly in Theme Parks) Award.
We all know that roller coasters go way up into the air and
then rush towards the ground at great speeds. One worker was
too busy using a weed eater around the base of the roller
coaster and boogieing away to some very loud music on his
headphones and lost his bearings.
Hunched over uncomfortably under a piece of low track the
silly fellow decided to pop his head up between the rails
to save his back from being strained. It wasn't a good move
as a hurtling roller coaster zipped by and knocked his head
- walkman and all - clean off.
And all is not gray and boring in the lands of the former
Communists, Russians.
A group of soldiers were browsing through rubbish at a dump
and came across a suspicious-looking container of white powder.
For some reason the bright sparks began using it as talcum
powder between their toes, sniffing it and even mixing it
with tobacco and smoking it. They were a bit stupid because
the powder was not cocaine or any derivative of such, but
thallium - which is used as a rat poison.
The guys aren't dead yet … but they have lost most of
their hair and are still undergoing tests for liver and kidney
damage.
And not far away in Poland comes the case of the three scrap
metal hunters who went into a deserted factory in Gdansk and
began to remove things from an iron pile. Unfortunately the
pile was helping to hold up the roof, which collapsed, killing
one of the fellows.
Just to show that Eastern Europeans aren't the only twerps
around here's a beauty from the USA.
A school toilet was blocked and a guy was sent to fix the
problem. He couldn't move the blockage with a plunger and
so he did the next thing and tried to free it with his hand.
Just a little more, just a little more he whispered
as he forced his arm into the piping so far that his ear was
touching the water in the bowl. Needless to say his arm got
stuck.
Calls for help were not heard and so our fellow thought a
bit of liquid may loosen everything and allow him to pull
free. He pulled the chain and then must have watched in horror
as the water level in the bowl steadily rose. He drowned.
More Web Wombat Darwin Awards Stories:
|
