Digital Dating: Loving The Future

By Claire Bertolus

Fact: people are paying large sums of money to meet other people on the Internet. 

A study by the Online Publishers Association, a U.S. Based research group, revealed that Americans alone spent $469.5 million in 2004, making online dating the largest “paid content” area on the Internet.

It seems that the old chestnut, the blind date, has reached new heights of popularity. But this time you don't have to rely on your friends to set you up with their dodgy work mates, you can select your own date from an almost infinite pool of online resources. 

Google the term “Internet dating” and you get over 71 million hits. That's almost as many as you get for “Paris Hilton.”

And the numbers are only going up.

It seems that the stigma associated with Internet dating has all but disappeared. Using a dating service used to be the domain of the bitterly divorced with children or a sign of social leprosy. But in an increasingly busy world many people are finding that they don't have the time or energy to go out every night and trawl the spots for that someone special. 

So they look online instead.

One attraction of Internet dating is that customers have more chance of getting exactly what they want. Clients can specify a perfect partner; listing eye and hair colour, height, weight and location. And that's just to name a few. The range of Internet dating sites available is mind boggling. 

From general happy-with-anything type deals to people who share your interests in a particular sport, or even a country lifestyle. The range of relationships on offer is also very broad. Internet daters can specify that they're in it for a committed relationship, friendship or just a casual fling.  

Adam Hannah, the founder a of new online dating site, FlingFinder.com.au, said he believes more people are using the Internet to develop relationships because the technology isn't so scary or left-field anymore: "I think people are becoming more and more comfortable with technology and are growing accustomed to using it in their daily lives. Australians who have daily access to the Internet now outnumber those who don't. It's no longer the domain of the (so-called) geeks.

"We also have less free time on our hands than ever before. Socialising online is an obvious solution," added Mr Hannah.

"Take the MySpace explosion, for example. Far from being a threat to FlingFinder, I consider it a huge opportunity. Not only has the phenomenon brought millions of people out of their online shells to post profiles - it's taught them how," said Mr Hannah.

As more people use online technology in their day-to-day lives they are becoming relaxed with using their computers as a medium for personal communication. Generations X and Y and even some Babyboomers are so familiar with digital transactions that adding their dating to the daily shopping seems like a natural next step rather than an inconvenient or awkward imposition.

Of course online dating sometimes requires the same, if not more, vigilance than normal dating. 

Online daters have reported that they are relatively un-trusting of their fellow daters. The ease with which people can lie about their personal details and interests is their main concern. Indeed, many profiles are fantastically inflated and include false or dated photographs of the client. So that when you finally do meet your online love they look more like a Biggest Loser candidate that their celebrity-esque picture would imply. 

We asked the founder of the FlingFinder website about the idea of the 'online identity' and how some people fake them; how do you know that someone's photo is actually theirs? "We have three levels of verification at FlingFinder," continued Mr Hannah, "photo verification, legal ID verification and credit card verification." He said that dating sites without high levels of verification are more likely to be peppered with fake identities than those without.

And what about scams? The Internet scamming business is estimated to be worth hundreds of millions of dollars per annum, and surely dating websites are not immune to the digital deception. "Spammers and scammers are the scourge of all dating and social networking sites," said Mr Hannah, saying that in his experience the scams are usually pretty similar starting off by saying "hello - I'm a very pretty but lonely girl/guy. I don't care what you look like. Add me to your msn/yahoo so we can chat."

"Eventually they'll tell you that they're stuck in another country," continued Mr Hannah, "and need money to come and visit you to start a new life together. Or maybe they have a sick relative needing an urgent but expensive operation. Some people have lost their life savings to these thieves."

Dating websites generally try to filter out the scammers and fake IDs in a number of ways, as Adam Hannah explains, "Our first defence is to manually review every new profile before it is activated. Our staff are very skilled at spotting the fakes. Secondly, we have a user-based reporting system to weed out the occasional joker we may have missed. Next is an automated detection system, the details of which I can't divulge here for obvious reasons. Finally, of course, there are the profile verification options I've already mentioned."

Reassuring to a point, but there is little hope that dating sites will ever be able to totally control authentication of details. But many sites now have options through which clients can choose to have their facts and figures confirmed by clearing photo ID and credit card details with site administration, as outlined by FlingFinder's founder.

Another concern is the propensity for such sites to attract unsavoury characters. Is it safe to rendezvous with someone you've only ever exchanged cyber comments with? Ultimately Internet dating need not be anymore dangerous than normal dating. After all, every time you hit a club you risk your drink being spiked or having your bag stolen. 

If the concern is that unnerving then you could always take a friend along to chaperone or organise a double date. We posed the question of the first meeting to FlingFinder's Adam Hannah, and he pointed out that some websites have a dating advice area. "Online dating can be a lot safer than meeting someone in a pub or club because it provides the buffers of time and distance - not to mention sobriety! You can pre-screen potential suitors at your own pace, ask plenty of questions and trade photos for a while before you decide who you'd like to pursue a relationship or friendship with."

"FlingFinder has an extensive dating advice section to help members with their decisions. We also recommend that people meet only with members who have verified their profile," suggested Mr Hannah.

With more and more people using the Internet as a dating solution that saves time and money, the stimga surrounding the dreaded "We met on the Internet" is not what it used to be. If you do decide to join an online dating site, just remember to exercise a good deal of common sense, and be sure the site you join has strong safeguards in place.

Oh, and good luck!

Australian Dating Websites:
FlingFinder.com.au