Step Parenting - A Foreign Word

By Susan M. Thompson

Extended families can be difficult to integrate into, but the rewards can be utterly amazing

For a long time, I never dreamed of becoming a parent, let alone a stepparent, having my own children or even becoming a grandmother at 35.

Where is the manual that gives the quick fixes and answers to a parents myriad problems?

No book or manual exists as every model and make of parent and child is different. Life has a way of throwing situations at you that no one can foresee.

Extended families are an every day part of life, and prior to getting involved with my family, I had no real idea how it would be living in this environment. It isn't all about being the girlfriend or boyfriend anymore...

There are these young people whom need to be considered when making decisions. Each one of these people becomes a part of your life and every relationship is different.

Not for one moment would I change any aspect of my life, with my own extended family. Not even the moments where I have felt like screaming in frustration.

"You are not my mummy!" used to be a hard one to handle. Constantly, I would let the children know, I didn't want to be known as mum, as they already have one. They already have one mum and one dad; I didn't want to take someone's place. In time we worked out that I am a friend - the other adult who is dad's partner.

Getting to build a relationship with the children can be really tough and full of thorns and thistles. Despite the moments of negativity, each of these young people is worth knowing. He or she is more than just a stepchild. Each one has something special to offer, and brings joy and something magical to life.

In my short time as a part of an extended family, I have seen a lot of situations - some good, some ugly and some bad. Through it all, not once has anyone given up on me. Love, in all of its many faces, is something to be cherished.

Becoming part of an extended family can be very daunting. The ex-partner is an unknown quantity and then there are the children. Will they like you? How is a stepparent meant to act? Where are the guidelines that come with this situation?

Each person is different, each has their own idiosyncrasies, coming from a variety of cultural situations and upbringings. It is important to keep an open mind when coming into an extended family. Being flexible is important, as you never know what is coming around the next corner.

It may not be your weekend to have the children; you may have plans to go out. Suddenly, your weekend changes as these young people come to stay. Prepare for the unexpected, and understand that life is not boring once you are apart of a family.

Communication is extremely important in any relationship and by being a friend of the children, it is amazing and beautiful what they will get you to do as you become a part of their life. No, there is no how-to-fix-it-manual in any extended family. The best advice?

Be patient - even when your hair starts falling out - be understanding and be a friend to your children, and marvel as a new world unfolds in front of your eyes.