50 First Dates: Good Manners and Awkward Moments

By Claire Bertolus

Okay, so you've been asked out...or done the asking out. Either way you're going on that date. But whether you've been a faithful practitioner of “the new celibacy” or you've recently re-entered the dating game there are few elements that could make it or break it. So don't let the team down and get into our first date etiquette tips.

1. Think Outside the Square

Just because you did the asking that doesn't mean that you should have to do all the work when it comes to the planning. Ask the other person what they would like to do. Giving them an option shows that you care about their opinion. Plus it can be fun just coming up with something to do.

Think a little bit outside the box on this one. Remember that whilst lunch or dinner may be an easy suggestion to make, it can be awkward spending a whole meal drumming up conversation with someone you don't know that well. Especially if you realise after the first five minutes that it's not going to work.

On the other hand if you already know you're opposite number reasonably well then a few hours conversation might be great. The point is that you should give it some thought. If you want something relaxed, try a trip to the aquarium or the zoo - everyone loves animals.

2. On Time, Good - Late, Very Bad

For God's sake, it's not that hard to be on time. If you're nervous imagine how the other person feels standing around twiddling their thumbs and waiting for you to turn up. The bottom line is that fashionably late is not cool and casual on a first date. It's nerve wracking and rude.
If you are going to be late, call or text and apologise ahead of time. Again, it's not that hard to make this small courtesy.

3. The Teenage Curse

Okay, so it can be a bit weird and intimidating looking at someone who knows that you know, that they know, that you know...what exactly?

That you might like each other. Ah!

But ride those blushes out and get over it. There is nothing more strange or off-putting than having a conversation with someone who is not looking at your face, but somewhere in the vicinity of your left shoulder. Come on people, this is the adult world calling.

4. Harsh But True...

This includes honesty both about yourself and your intentions. Do not tell your date that you were an Olympic athlete (unless you were, but that's quite a small percentage of people so I'll play the odds), it will only come back to bite you in the behind. Similarly don't tell them that you're going to call, or go on a second date if you have no intention of doing so. 

This policy might sound harsh, but it will save many a hurt feeling and much nervous hovering around the phone. Be assertive about your intentions. Don't send mixed messages and you're be fine.

5. But Not Too Honest

Does it even need saying that this is not the moment to bring up the fact that you were sold into slavery by your parents for drug money? No. Of course there's a time for emotional baggage, but this is not it. Just be forthright with the basic facts so your date can get a basic idea of what events have shaped your personality, such as yearly holidays to Bali as a child, or trips to Perth during Easter.

6. Demanding Answers

Some people talk uncontrollably when they're nervous, others clam up and can barely open their mouths. The best way to get  through a conversation is to ask questions, even if you're not listening to the answers (although it would be good if you'd do that too).

The other person feels cool because you're interested, everyone loosens up and you don't have to fill awkward silences with endless nattering about your next door neighbor's cat. Can't ask more than that. Well, actually you can. Try not to be too prying. Demanding information about your dates last sexual encounter...this not cool!

Compliments can work too, but be careful here. Some people can be very picky about some things. Safe questions like "Were you an A-grade student?" or "How about that Kevin Rudd?" can give you breathing space if long silences are showing.

7. That Awkward Post-Date Moment

You're on your own here kids! If it went well on the date, then now could be the moment to make the big move. If the date didn't go so well, then it's probably going to be a slightly awkward brush off. Again, honesty is the best thing. If they ask to see you again and you'd rather gouge your eye out with a rusty nail, it could be a good idea to say that you just want to be friends. Or that you're going to Botswana to be a priest/nun. 

But give the other person closure by giving them some indication of whether it's on or not.

8. Take My Breath Away...

On the subject of first date kisses there is one piece of unequivocal advice to be offered. Do not go there unless you know it's going to work out. How do you know? You've both got sore jaws from smiling the whole time, you feel warm and fuzzy inside, and the conversation is flowing and generous. 

The first date kiss only works if both parties are totally into it, or have had a little bit to drink, or you're crammed into a small space, like an interplanetary landing capsule. For the gentlemen out there, it's often best to go for a kiss on the cheek - that way if you've been eating garlic prawns then you won't gross out your date with stinky breath.

Save yourself the cringing - if you're not sure what to do, but if you like them a lot, smile and say you'd like to do it again some time. If they say yes, get some details and then next time you can see how it works.Even if you forget all of the above, which you probably will, remember to just be yourself. That should come naturally. If your date doesn't like who you are, then at least you know to move on to something more realistic.

And good luck!