Egypt - Up & Down The River... 

By Daniel Kneprath

Marhaba!

The land of the Pharaohs needs no pointing out on a map; however the Egyptian government would do well to invest in street directories for the locust swarm of cabs in the streets of Cairo.

There is no better way to experience Egypt's capital than to negotiate a fare with one of the city's many reputable taxi drivers.

Once at your destination, you can meet the friendly locals who are more than happy to have a chat. Life is made so easy for travellers - every Egyptian you meet seems to have a brother in Australia and is more than happy to sit down and tell you more about the country.

Thankfully, they always seem to have a shop close by where you can receive a good discount for being such a good friend.

More than just money talks in Cairo. In just a few minutes strolling through the colossal souq, Khan al-Khalili, you will notice wide use of many languages amongst the locals.

Cries of 'Deutschmark bitte?', 'Argent sil vous plais?' and 'You want spend money now Yankee?' echo through the chaotic alley-ways.

If you don't want a trinket or a rug, simply blend in with the locals by standing awkwardly during Friday prayers as every man and his dog prostrate themselves in the middle of the marketplace.

Fear not, the haggling commences again faster than a baboon through bakery once the prayers reach their climax.

Having trouble finding a taxi? Slip a friendly local policeman a fiver and he'll pull over a cab in even the busiest of intersections. Before you know it, you'll be right back in the thick of Cairo rush hour, where indicators and traffic lights are for whimps and bumper bars are not just a name, but a necessity.

Before heading back to your hotel, enjoy some streetside cuisine which is light on the wallet but not so light on the stomach. Shwarma, a delicious combination of kebab meat, spices and tomato stuffed in bread would be a fitting addition to any Sydney kebab shop and might even fill the gap of customers between the 3am rush of trollied pub-goers.

As for living in this great city, tenants save hundreds on council tax if they live in incomplete buildings, explaining the perpetual scaffolding on many of the city's apartment blocks. This is a tradition dating back 5000 years with the pyramids of Giza being a prime example.

Pharaohs like Khufu and Khafre have been saving money for eons by donating limestone blocks from their pyramids to the Greeks, Romans and Arabs. Archaeologists have also proven that the mountains of plastic bottles and rubbish surrounding these structures will not only soon surpass the pyramids in height, but will be around for at least 10,000 years to come!

Unfortunately, precious rubbish is often wasted by the locals who frequently abuse Cairo's only waste disposal facility - the Nile. The efficient system not only disposes items such as household refuse, old fridges and used cars (or donkeys), it also kills off any pesky wildlife that might cause offence.

If raw sewage isn't your thing, you might consider travelling upstream to Aswan, Egypt's most southerly city. Whatever monuments that are not still buried by the desert are now safely underwater since the construction of the Aswan damn in 1970.

Countless hours have been wasted relocating the funerary temples of Rameses II and Queen Nefertari - block by block - to safe locations above the waterline. Other features, such as the entire nation of Nubian farmers in the area, are now under the world's largest artificial lake and have been happily relocated to souvenir stores or trained as felucca sailing crews. Having underwater homes and places of worship has given the Nubians a warm sense of humour.

Sailing doesn't float everyone's boat and massive police convoys of coaches between major destinations help you blend in with the local culture and avoid looking like a tourist. Luxor, the New Kingdom capital of Thebes, is where the gusty southerly winds take you. Amazing monuments such as the temple of Karnak and the busy downtown market make this a lively place. Appropriated and added to by every conquering army since Alexander the Great, graffiti from 19th century European Egyptologists makes Karnak temple the perfect testament of every culture that has experienced Egyptorama at some stage in their history.

In comparison, the Valley of the Kings can be a little dead. The vast network of tombs and passages highlight the overwhelming benefits of slave labour and safe working conditions in ancient Egypt. Not only was much blood, sweat and tears shed throughout the construction of these tombs, they served as a useful mortar for mudbrick dwellings. Not many Pharaohs rest in their tombs these days - most prefer being part of the mummy freak show in the Egyptian Museum than watch the daily hoard of sweaty tourists tramp through their burial chambers.

There is no better way to wrap up a trip through Upper Egypt than to take the overnight train back to Cairo. The charm and gentle humour of an old Arabic woman screaming at you for being in her seat is only made more amusing by the fact you cannot read what is printed on your ticket. The facilities are pristine and the plumbing so advanced that you can see the railway speeding past at the bottom of the toilet bowl. Admire the 1100km of scenery at a zippy 55km/hour and, if the driver only stops for one sleep break, you'll fly back to Cairo in a mere 18 hours. A list of scams in Cairo is currently being collated and then it's off to Jordan - however I am still waiting for the man who borrowed my passport to come back?

Ma Salaama!