Spain

By Daniel Kneprath

Tapas is a must when trying Spanish food

Hola!

For the simple Spanish peasant, variety is truly the spice of life. One day, you could be busting your hump for a Roman conqueror of Islamic Caliph, the next you’re under the lash of a Catholic monarch or fascist dictator.

If a life of drudgery isn’t enough excitement, light up your evening at an Inquisition for some hot-shoe-shuffling with a Flamenco flavour.

If working the land from dawn to dusk and chanting the Hail Mary fifty times a day isn’t your cup of sangria, fear not, the hungry traveller can still have a feast on the Iberian Peninsula.

Any English-speaker will find Spain a perfect example of the seamless effectiveness of the European Union.

That is, of course, you attempt to speak English.

Setting the example for their British cousins, Spain’s colonisation of half the known world has created more than enough Spanish-speaking holiday destinations for the locals. Naturally though, words are not everything.

Attempting even the smallest amount of Spanish from Santiago to Barcelona will result in a myriad of useful blank and impatient looks - communicating a variety of emotions.

Research tools such as The Three Amigos and Fawlty Towers are enough background to get your Spanish flowing.

You will be quick to discover Spain has no one language, but four. Despite this, there is one thing they all understand – the church.

You needn’t look around the medieval pilgrimage mecca of Santiago de Compostela for long before witnessing herds of tired pilgrims bearing walking sticks and clam shells.

Ignoring cheap domestic airlines, pedestrians tackling the Camino de Santiago march from the Pyrenees to the monumental cathedral in Santiago. Spanish Catholics love a good relic, but they love a good miracle even more.

When a hermit was lead to Santiago in 813AD by a star to find the bones of St. James, he made the local church famous. Local purists believe that housing the world’s largest incense burner should be enough of a draw card.

More than a cathedral-hopping tour of Northern Spain, the Camino de Santiago is a chance to get some fresh air. The rolling hills and crystal beaches of cities like Ovieda, Bilbao and San Sebastian are dotted with strip-mines, chemical factories and industrial monoliths.

Before the Guggenheim made Bilbao famous, the city won the “Most Polluted City in Europe” award three years running in the mid-fifties. The amber hue of smog may not be what it used to be in surfing hub San Sebastian, but the million-Euro waterfront properties are still half concealed in toxic gases.

The Basque-speaking, beret-wearing locals might be confusing at first, but one sniff of the highest concentration of tapas bars on the planet reminds you quickly that you’re still in Spain.

The tapas phenomenon (pinxtos in Basque) has a way of making Spain feel like a perpetual cocktail party. A medieval attempt to encourage responsible drinking with assorted nibbles has developed into an eating obsession over the centuries.

Despite rumours of a lack of variety and “simple” flavours that often overshadow this culinary adventure, tapas is more than just pork. There is also smoked pork, dried pork, cured pork, pork loin, pork fillet, pork tail, pork tripe, wild pork and chocolate pork.

The choice of beverage is equally overwhelming with brandy, cider, beer and vino being available. If you’re unsure about what wine to try, simply ask for a French variety and you’ll get a quick lesson on European homogenisation.

Eat an enough tapas to feed an army before venturing into the Pyrenees mountains - a natural fortress which has caused problems for conquerors throughout history. The story of the hardy people of the province Aragón involves more than wild boar and living uncomfortably close to French people.

History is written all over the faces of the locals. Meet a few village women and it won’t be long before encountering a descendant of the witches who took refuge from the Inquisition in this mountainous hideaway during the middle ages.

Driving the length of the Pyrenees on the treacherous mountain roads takes ibex-like reflexes and knowledge of two more Spanish languages. Thankfully, these are problems a strong local brandy can fix.

The mountains meet the Mediterranean at one of geology’s greatest hits, the Costa Brava. Aptly named, the “Rugged Coast”, the mixture of basalt boulders and spiky shale rocks is a reminder of the Iberian peninsula crashing into mainland Europe hundreds of millions of yeas ago.

Continents aren’t the only thing cracking up in Cadaques, the birthplace of Spain’s greatest lunatic – Salvador Dali. The crooked coastline serves as a background to many of the most inexplicable hallucinations of Surrealist painting.

For a glimpse of the real thing, drop by the Teatro Museo Dali in nearby Figueres and feel your personal problems melt into nothingness as you ponder the most grotesque, imaginative and absurd brain in modern art – which, surprisingly is buried with his body and not nailed to an ox’s genitals in a basket of strawberries.

Need a relaxing change from snow-capped mountains, flowing streams and splendid seascapes? Try the tranquil streets, quiet charm and early nights of downtown Barcelona. After a morning on the beach, try grab some lunch before 2pm.

Don’t worry if you miss it – wander around aimlessly the remainder of the afternoon with the rest of the bewildered tourists and the shops should again about 7pm. Relax with an early dinner at 10pm or so, then head back to your lodgings to prepare for the night out.

With a bit of luck, the bars will open by 1am and you can say goodnight without being laughed at by about 4am – please note that these times are only applicable early in the week. For an even more chilled atmosphere, try planning your night out during a Champions League semi-final featuring FC Barca and there should be no problem obtaining a seat in the local watering hole.

If soccer isn’t your thing, flights to the USA and New Zealand are quite affordable.

Hasta luego!